hi bab theres so much i want to say and i dont know where to start,im trying so hard not to cry has i write this but its not working.i need you so much les i need your strengh and your comfort,im so tired bab im tired of being afraid and im tired of being lonely i have never felt so alone in my whole life and i dont no what to do.im tired of smiling and laughing round people cos thats what they want to see when all the while i want to drop to my knees and scream and cry.everyday is a struggle and im so sorry les but i dont no how much longer i can take this pain and this feeling of emptiness.i try so hard i really do but its so hard without you and mum why couldnt he have let one of you stay why did i have to lose both of you,its so unfair les theres really nothing to keep me here i havent got a life without you its an existance which if im honest i can really do without,every night i go to bed and pray tomorrow will be better but it never is i get so angry because people say time heals well you no what it doesnt and what the hell do they no anyway,i get angry with you for leaving me alone and im so sorry because it wasnt your fault i no you wouldve stayed if you could,but why didnt you fight harder why did you leave me alone.i love you les and i want you here with me i want to feel your arms round me and hear you tell me it will be alright,i want to hear you tell me you love me and i want to feel safe and wanted and loved,i want to go in the garden and see you pottering in the shed and hear you ask for a cup of tea,but its never going to happen im never going to see you again in this life and i dont no if i can cope with that not anymore.i love you les and i honestly dont no whats going to happen to me but whatever happens please be there at my side and give the strengh and courage to cope.i love you xxx